I wouldn’t have made it if….

I wouldn’t have made it if….
A Reflection on my Coming to Know Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior

I often hear a statement that goes along the line “I wouldn’t have made it if weren’t for my …friends,” or “I wouldn’t have made it if weren’t for my …family,” or some other source of help one received in a time of difficulty. My initial thought is ‘what would have happened had they not made it? What may have happened? Would they have committed the tragic act of taking their life? Maybe the situation being faced is one of great magnitude, such as terminal cancer, an unfaithful spouse, drug and/or alcohol addictions. If the adversity were on a lesser scale such as financial debt or an unbearable home life, the act might be to turn to alcohol, drugs, or sexual immorality. They may just flee their current life and start a new one, leaving behind a spouse, children, and friends, in attempt to rid them of this unconquerable adversity.

Hard times arise in various ways and have different effects on different people. What is an unconquerable hardship to one person may be a mild calamity to another. We all will at one time or another will face an adversity that will be personally overwhelming for us to face alone. What resolution we choose and how we use that resolution will determine whether we will be able to someday say “I wouldn’t have made it if…”

The biggest adversity of the many I have faced was the divorce from my wife (out of privacy I'll refer to her as Alice) and her struggles with alcoholism and drugs. While married, we struggled financially, had a young son to raise, a mortgage payment, car repairs, bad credit card debt and bad priorities. When the going got tough we turned to alcohol and drugs. As a result, we became very distant. We became roommates instead of husband and wife. We began to blame each other for the difficulties and failed dreams. We were in complete denial of who and what we were.

At some point in my marriage I became aware something was not right in my life. My marriage was in shambles. I was more interested in spending the weekend in bars then being a father to my son and a husband to my wife. I was in a job that did not have a future but I kept convincing myself if I worked only harder, and gave my job more of my time it may have a future. Finances were getting worse. We were going into deeper and deeper debt. My wife and I fought constantly. I was in a downward spiral of depression. I realized my weekends’ hanging out with friends in bars was only a temporary fix. I had no long-term goals for my life. If anything in my life was long-term it was a cycle of temporary fixes. I was blaming anyone and everything for lack of a long-term permanent fix. Life was dealing me unfair situations one after another. No matter what I seemed to do, I found myself needing something to get me through the next bad hand of cards life had dealt me. The thing I eventually came to realize was I wasn’t making it. I always felt there was something missing in my life. I came to a crossroad in life. I wanted a long-term fix to this void I was feeling in my life.

Alice’s drinking was getting out of control and she would say I was the blame. In October of 1994, I decided to separate from my wife. If I was the cause of her drinking, fine. I would be out of her life on a daily basis, she and my son would live happily ever after. But her situation did not improve. On December 30^th of that year I received a phone call just around midnight. It was Alice. She was in a serious legal situation that required I move back home. When I moved back home, I tried to make a serious attempt to help her and save our marriage.

Things, however did not improve. Life was a roller coaster ride; my wife’s behavior and actions were never like any I experienced. She admitted she was an alcoholic. It was an illness that was slowly eating her life away. She tried several times to get help through a couple of short term inpatient and outpatient treatments, only to relapse. In May she lost her job. She went to a 30-day term treatment center in Arizona only to again relapse. She would be gone for whole weekends. When she would disappear, I would begin to wonder if she was dead or alive. How would I break this news to my son? When she would eventually return home, it would be a cycle of apologies and verbal abuse. It became a daily succession of fear and despair.

All I had was myself and I was afraid and lonely. I had pretty much given up the weekends with my friends. My thoughts were shifting to a more permanent fix. I just wanted to end my life. At night I would lie on my couch thinking of different ways to take my life. In doing so, my mind would drift to my son. What would become of him? I would then pray to a God, that I really didn’t even know existed, for help. I wasn’t really expecting any answers, but it would help me cry myself to sleep.

What I didn’t know, though, was that there was a God who did really exist and this God loved me. I started hearing about this God from two sources. The first source was from a group of people who came into my life because of my son. Alice and I had enrolled our son in a preschool program at a Baptist church. Not for religious purposes, but because the price was right and it was on the way to work. The second was from my current home church, Willow Creek Community Church. A friend of my sister had invited me many times before but I always found an excuse not to go. When she invited me in July of 1995 the warmth and comfort I had received from people in my son’s school made me able to accept the invitation.

What I began to hear from both churches, though in two very different styles, was who God and Jesus Christ were. I was told God knew of my tears long before I would admit to them. They told me He loved me before I ever knew He was there. He loved me even when I knew He was there but denied Him. He loved me even when I needed Him but pushed Him away because I did not want to admit I needed Him. He loved me when I cursed Him for my adversities. He loved me despite all of the wrong things I had done.

I always knew Jesus was born on Christmas and that Easter had something to do with His dying on a cross. But what they were telling me was much more. He was the Son of God. He was God in the flesh. He died on the cross for my sins. He wanted me to confess my sins to Him, ask for forgiveness and ask Him to come into my life. If I did I would be born again. WHOA!

That was a lot to fathom. Born Again Christian! Weren’t they those people I always thought of as hippies gone straight? Weren’t they the Jimmy and Tammy Faye Bakers always asking for my money? Weren’t they the Jimmy Swaggart blaming things on the devil? They weren’t normal religious people. The normal religious people were self-righteous, the ones who were always casting judgment on others. The one thing they may all have had in common was that they were weak. God, Jesus and the Bible were all nothing but crutches in their insecure weak world.

I had a lot of questions. One was this concept called ‘Born Again …Christian.’ I always thought of them as more of a cult than a religion. Someone from my son’s school suggested reading the book of John in The New Testament. I came upon this verse,

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” John 3:3 (NIV)
See Commentary 1

It made me seriously think of what I had always thought was a sure thing. If I were an OK person and did good things I go to heaven, where life was fun and all good things. I wanted to know, why I must be born again to get to heaven and what it actually means to be born again?

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, `You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." – John 3:5-8 (NIV)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life – John 3:16 (NIV)
See Commentary 4

In November 1995 I came to a crossroad in my life. I admitted I was a sinner, and my sins separated me from God. I could do nothing to remove or undo the sins I had committed. I acknowledged Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. I asked forgiveness, and asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart as my personal Lord and savior.

In doing so, I was ‘born again.’ I removed the separation between God and myself. I received the gift of grace and forgiveness for all my sins, and everlasting life in God’s heavenly kingdom.

Since that night 4 years ago, my life has experienced a complete turnaround. Though not as close as I desire, I’m closer to my son then I’ve ever been. My main objective in life is raising him to become a healthy Christian man. I’ve been blessed with a job that has almost doubled my income. I’ve got a circle of friends who have been a blessing of support and encouragement. Alice has been sober for over two years. Though divorced, we are on good terms. Through God, I’ve been able to forgive her and pray that she too will some day come to know the Lord. There are still hardships in my life, but through Jesus Christ I have learned to use these as an opportunity to grow even closer to Him.

I wouldn’t have made it if weren’t for Jesus Christ and His gift of forgiving grace.

If you are at that crossroad in life, where you can admit from your heart that you are a sinner and need Jesus Christ in your life, ask Him to do so by praying the following prayer:

Lord, I confess I’m a sinner and ask for your forgiveness. I acknowledge that you died on the cross for my sins and ask you to come into my heart to be my personal savior. I pray this in your name – Amen.

I wouldn’t have made it if….
A Reflection on my Coming to Know Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior

Scripture 1 John3:3 Return to Message
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

Commentary for Scripture 1
3:3 born again. The Greek also may mean "born from above." Both meanings are consistent with Jesus' redeeming work. [1]

Scripture 2 for Ephesians 2:8-9 Return to Message
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9not by works, so that no one can boast.

Commentary for Scripture 2
2:8 A major passage for understanding God's grace, i.e., his kindness, unmerited favor and forgiving love. you have been saved. "Saved" has a wide range of meanings. It includes salvation from God's wrath, which we all had incurred by our sinfulness. The tense of the verb (also in v. 5) suggests a completed action with emphasis on its present effect. through faith. See Ro 3:21-31 , which establishes the necessity of faith in Christ as the only means of being made right with God. not from yourselves. No human effort can contribute to our salvation; it is the gift of God. 2:9 not by works. One cannot earn salvation by "observing the law" (Ro 3:20,28). Such a legalistic approach to salvation (or sanctification) is consistently condemned in Scripture. no one can boast. No one can take credit for his or [2]

Scripture 3 John3:5-8 Return to Message
Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, `You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." – John 3:5-8 (NIV)

Commentary for Scripture 3
3:5 kingdom of God. See Mt 3:2. born of water and the Spirit. A phrase understood in various ways: 1. It means much the same as "born of the Spirit" (v. 8; cf. Tit 3:5). 2. Water here refers to purification. 3. Water refers to baptism--that of John (1:31) or that of Jesus and his disciples (v. 22; 4:1-2).

3:7 You. This assertion applies to everyone, not just Nicodemus. must. There are no exceptions. born again. See v. 3.

3:8 The Holy Spirit is sovereign. He works as he pleases in his renewal of the human heart[3]

Scripture 4 John3:16 Return to Message
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life – John 3:16 (NIV)

Commentary for Scripture 4
3:16 God so loved the world. The great truth that motivated God's plan of salvation (cf. 1Jn 4:9-10). world. All people on earth--or perhaps all creation (see 1:9). that he gave. See Isa 9:6. one and only Son. See 1:14,18; cf. Ge 22:2,16; Ro 8:32. Although believers are also called "sons of God" (2Co 6:18; Rev 21:7), Jesus is uniquely God's Son. [4]